BlameThePixel!

I stole another joke from the Twitta. I don't have a link, I just heard it was on there from that guy @PaulyPeligroso.

So a homophobe, a rapist and a black dude walk into a bar...


And everyone was like "Yo can I get your autograph Kobe?'

^That'd be funnier if I knew the back story.

What's large, black and steals your credit cards?
Spoiler (Click to Expand)


My wife just said, "so, what do you want for Father's Day?"
"A blowjob" I replied.
"Haha, but what do you want from your daughter?"
I am sick to death of repeating myself to that woman.

Here's a funny joke that I won't remember, so I'm gonna copy and paste it instead:

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine & I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass & figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion & steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"

Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."

With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile & said; "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?"

Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat."


source: http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/hcocy/joke_from_my_grandpa/

^Quite funny. Here's some jokes from Reddit:

What's grey, white and black and looks good on a cop?
The World Trade Center

Did you hear about Macho Man's next opponent? It's the Undertaker.

The Irish have solved their fuel problems. They've imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and are going to drill for their own oil.

Paddy and Mick find three grenades, so they gather them up to take them to a police station.
Mick says, "What if one explodes before we get there?"
Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

Steve Irwin died just the way he lived: with animals in his heart.

Okay! I have two contributions to this thread. Here's one joke:

Spoiler (Click to Expand)

Here's the next joke, stolen from kikumbob. He posted this comment a couple years ago:

The worst time to have a heart attack is when plying charades. Budumm tssshh
______________
28.11.08 10:09 AM

^I think remember that comment from kikumbob, and I remember disagreeing with it.


I got a job crushing cans. It's soda pressing...

A group of Irish men on a coach trip were taking bets on their destination.

The driver won £68.

I gotta try that the next time I go on a bus full of drunk people.

Here's a joke:

Women's rights.

You posted that one just 3 posts up, only last time you put it in a spoiler. Clearly in the last 3 weeks you have suddenly grown into a nasty old man.

Women drivers

He has always been a nasty old man.

I have another joke:

Women's rights.

Here's a joke that women don't get:

Spoiler (Click to Expand)