BlameThePixel!

Hence why I said "pay no attention" ;P I was joking, despite the lack of a smiley (*GASP*). No self-respecting writer would put such phrases in a serious context...

Then let me add the emotes for you...

I think vomiting will do for me. Puking gives me the thought of baby puke.

Anyways, while im writing the next chapter, lets have a little game.

How old do you think Tom is exactly?

A gold star for the person who gets it right, and give a reason.

Twelve. only stupid twelve year-old aren't trust worthy of leaveing the table to piss, and constantly yell"I need to go!"

16, because of the movie that he's going to go see. His parents don't let him get up simply because they're jackasses.

13, because it says he's a teenager and the toilet bit makes him sound quite young.

I found that all of your attention to detail was quite boring, like commenting on boring things like a door. Aswell as that, the story leapt quite a bit in a short space; I prefer slightly more gradual change in story. Apart from that, I liked the way you structured your sentences. You write quite fluently.

BTW, don't listen to me.

Its very hard not to listen to you, espiecally when you put your words in bold, underlined, very big, with a few exlamation marks

The door bit was supposed to be amusing. He desperatly needed to go and having sited the toilets I think anyone would looked longingly at them.

As for the time jump, I think I would have found it very boring to write about every single thing Tom did in the desert.

Anyway, on to the answer.
The character is based off a very good (but childish/crazy) friend of mine. He is 15 years old at the moment. So the character in the story is 15. Glenn practically got it. So he gets the shiny star!

Actually the real reason for that question was to make sure I was portraying his character as how I thought I was. Clearly im not, and I may need to make him sound a bit older in the next few chapters. Thanks for everyones input though

Ok next chapter, please enjoy:
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The restaurant was closed for the day. Police cars and news vans crowded the street outside it. Inside it the vehicle’s owners were shoving microphones in witnesses’ and relative’s faces and taping off every inch of the restaurant that Tom had touched. The bathroom contained several detectives checking every inch of the space with magnifying glasses whilst Tom’s parents watched with dying hope. Tom’s mother was crying into his fathers’ shoulder, which was getting increasingly soaked.
“AHA!� shouted Inspector Moose from inside the middle cubicle. A flame of hope exploded from inside the parent’s bodies and they both jumped.
“What is it?� gasped the mother.
“I have found a condom!� shouted the inspector triumphantly. This did not get the desired reaction.
“The mother recovered with from her re-enactment of the biblical flood and a dark storm cloud seemed to form above her head. “Are you trying to tell me� she growled putting a whole paragraphs worth of despise in 6 words, “That my precious little darling was having it off at his age?!� The storm was gaining speed now. “That is disgusting! How dare you think he would do any such thing! You insolent, despicable-“
“Now, Now Mrs. Keylin. I’m sure Inspector Moose-“ started Inspector Nod
“Oh, your on his side eh? Your all the same you-“
“Julian, get a hold of yourself! They are trying to help!� interrupted Mr. Keylin sternly. Mrs Keylin started to sob again.
“Inspector Moose, are you quite sure that is related to Master Keylin?� enquired another Inspector.
“Quite sure, he obviously used it for smuggling in instruments to break into the vault and-“
“What on earth are you talking about man?� shouted Inspector Nod.
“AHA!� shouted another inspector from the first cubicle. No one jumped this time. “Urine!�
“This is no time to go for a piss Inspector Googal� shouted Nod.
“No, no! If we make a sample of this we will be able to work out If its Master Keylin’s. There’s quite a lot of it as well.
“Oh, right. Well, good work Inspector G-“
At that point the news crew had managed to win over the police out of pure numbers and bashed down the door. Cameras blinded the occupants and calls of “Mr and Mrs Keylin!� filled their ears. They were lucky to survive the stampede.

Dammed paparatzi, they can all go to hell !
Aside from that jest, there's a few grammatical errors that probably came from typing too fast. They should be pretty obvious if you look for them. Another fine chapter.

Thanks, and yes I did rush that one. I noticed I was losing the interest of my fellow..uh..users

.:EDIT:. That thing after the oops smiley, it came up when I used it...uh?

I dont know whos still hanging on for the next installment, but I am still doing it, and it will be here as soon as possible.

I'm hanging on, and the thread is still getting views, so I assume there's at least SOMEONE else...

I would carry on with this even if this forum dies, it was inspired by my friend and I will do it for my friend. So unless he dies, ill still do this.
Useless information.

In another view of things I need a character to play the role as the king/queen of all evil. I have no idea what,who,why,where,when, this character is, so..ideas?

Inspiration has been lacking these past few days, but heres what ive got for the next chapter anyway. The chapter after this one im particularly proud of...
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Tom drank and drank until his body was swelling from the content of water. It was icy cold and was sparklingly clean. After he could not drink another drop he replaced his mouth and with his head. The water dribbled down his neck and flowed over his blonde hair, refreshing every part of the dry, cracking skin as soon as it touched it. The sand began to turn into a fine mud under the tap and Tom became covered in sand, which refused to come off, but as long as he was wet he didn’t care. He took off his shirt and soaked it before putting it back on again and repeated the process with his trousers. They were his poshest clothes that he had put on for the restaurant completely unaware that he was in fact going to appear in a blazing hot desert.
The shadow of the great water box grew longer and longer as the sun started to set over the sand dunes. The sky had been completely clear and stars had begun to appear like diamonds on black velvet. Tom watched the sun as it sank sending out magnificently golden orange rays over the dunes. It was beautiful, but still frightfully hot. He was also aware of a slight hissing sound coming in the direction of the setting sun, slowly became louder as the sun sank lower and lower. A mist began to rise that was so thick that it blocked out the suns rays and hung across one side of the night sky.
And it was still hot. And Tom still had no idea what he should do about the slight problem of being stuck in a desert. Hours rolled on and complete darkness stole over him.

If I do nothing and stay here, he thought, then I might die of hunger. And god knows how much water is left in that cube.

There had to be an end to a desert. So, in theory, walking in a straight line would get him out. The problem was he didn’t know how big it was. Pushing that thought to the back of his head, he drank a last, long draught of water and began to walk down the dune, heading in the direction of the peculiar sunset. It was a difficult journey, his feet slid more than stepped over the fine grains and rare breezes would spring up suddenly, chucking sand into his face. Although these cooled him down a little, the desert was still stifling at night. The sand dunes were like great hills. Going up one was near to impossible and Tom kept slipping on the sand and tumbling down a dune, unable to stop himself and grabbing handfuls of sand.

After a rest at the top of the third dune, he stood up and looked for an easy way around an immensely big one in front of him. The simple answer was there wasn’t one, but the huge sand mound looked impossible to climb.
Carefully, he slipped his way down the dune to bottom of the next. From here, it looked worse and he feared that he was stuck in the desert with no water yet again. Exhausted he fell back onto the soft sand and was alerted by a faint jingle in his pocket. Reaching into his pocket with a sandy dry hand he pulled out two very posh looking items of cutlery that he had decided to “borrow� from the restaurant from hell. Memories of his parents flashed through his mind, of the fun he had with his friends. A tear rolled down a dirty cheek, leaving a gleaming stripe of clean skin in its wake. Tom quickly snaffled it away and stole a quick sense of boyishness before getting up and ramming the knife and fork into the sand dune. Steadily, and without the occasional fatal slip here and there, he edged his way up the monster of a dune. The days at the rock climbing summer camp were coming in handy, just not the kind of thing he had expected to be doing.
With a last desperate will he conjured strength out of no where, jabbed the bent knife into the sand and hauled himself over and onto the flat surface of the killer dune. Exhausted and dehydrated, he lay there clutching the well-used items of cutlery as if they were his life line.

Morning came with such ferocity that Tom was nearly blinded. Gold streaks of light shot out from behind a distant dune, giving immediate light in the complete darkness. Stars disappeared suddenly without warning and the huge flaming ball of death rose again. Tom had never noticed how big it was. It seemed to fill about half the sky, as if it thought that the empty blueness was a waste of space. He groaned as he felt the heat pierce him, but trudged on anyway.

For the next hour his feet slowly moved him to the peak of the next dune. He sat down to catch what little breath he had. Looking around him, he saw dune after dune after dune. All he good see was sand stretching into oblivion although…
…Yes. He could see something else. On a far dune to his right, in the direction he had been heading in with no success, there was another giant cube. Tom’s heart didn’t leap with hope. It was too tired and dehydrated from the huge monster in the sky. Slowly, he headed towards it, his ears filled with a low humming. And it was getting louder. Puzzled Tom looked around him. The sound was alarmingly loud but he could see nothing. Suddenly, something thundered overhead with such a ferocious humming that Tom slipped on the sand and tumbled down the dune, landing in a heap of more sand. Spitting the stuff out of his mouth, he turned a sandy face toward the object moving in the sky. It looked like a car, speeding along the air, its wheels noticeably gripping to nothing. Tom stared at it until the anominally moved out of site, then trudged on like a snowman in summer.